If you’ve read my blog at all this summer, you know I work at a zoo. I’m writing this to implore you to not be an idiot when you yourself find yourself at a zoo for a fun filled day of animals.
(Everything I’m writing about here is related to something I’ve seen/heard/dealt with personally.)
(Also, I don’t actually say these things, but I really, really want to/wish I could.)
I don’t care that you own ball pythons (or pygmy goats/skinks/bearded dragons/ etc etc). That doesn’t mean you get to hold this one.
When I say it’s an animal safety issue. I mean what you’re doing can/will hurt the animal. So stop!
Throwing coins at a 650 pound reptile isn’t going to make it move. It’s going to make it go further underwater. And those coins stay on his back for days. And he’s an alligator; no one is going to jump in there to just grab a quarter off of his head. So stop throwing coins (read: stop being an asshole.)
Don’t put your hand in the penguin exhibit. On the other hand, go ahead. You’re going to lose blood if you keep your hand in there. So by all means, go for it.
Oh you said you brought crackers to feed the animals? No. Never. Every single animal has it’s own special diet that is regulated by its own special keeper. I guarantee that crackers are not in any one of them. Also, you’d probably get your finger chewed on.
I know you think you’re being hilarious, but I’ve heard that one before, and do you know how I know you’re lying when you say you’re smuggling a chimp out of the zoo? You would not be standing. It would have beaten you senseless before you got anywhere near the exit.
Don’t ask how to get the animals to come over here. They’re wild animals. They do what they want.
If an animal isn’t on exhibit that day, that probably means it’s sick, so don’t complain. Again, it’s an animal safety thing.
OKAY. I think that’s it. Really, I’m nice. Be nice to me and the animals and I will do the best I can to make sure your time at the zoo is amazing.
